Best Chance For A Full Recovery

Surgeons prefer operating on politicians.

No guts, heart or spine & the mouth & asshole are interchangeable.

What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seat belt.

What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?

Snowballs.

I don't want to brag... but I have an incredible sex drive.

The one fat chick who'll screw me lives 100 miles away!