Every Frickin' Joke

Don't Forget to Eat Your Veggies

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 28 September 2015; Hits: 3159

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)

Ripped from the Headlines

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 27 September 2015; Hits: 3182

So I was reading the paper the other day when I caught the headline: "Sex no more strenuous than golf, expert says"

What would we do without experts? But yeah... true... and for some guys sex is harder to get it in the hole!

Brand New Dishwasher

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 26 September 2015; Hits: 2919

What's the first thing a man would do if there were no women left on earth?

Invent a dishwasher that would suck his dick.

Brrrrrrrrrr

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 25 September 2015; Hits: 3230

Last winter my wife and I were walking down the street when we passed a fancy department store window. She turned and asked me: "Sweetheart, why won't you buy me a fur coat? I'm so cold!"

I told her: "If you already knew the answer, why'd you bother asking?"

And that's when the fight started...

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Two Professionals Discussing Technique

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Range Rover when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in the shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Range Rover. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."

What Is This, A Joke?

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention.

The Jew, bragging about his virility said, "I have four sons, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!"

The Catholic pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That’s nothing, I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You guys don't have a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I’ll have a golf course!"

I Prefer Natural Remedies

A guy gets a prescription from his doctor for Viagra with the instruction to take it one hour before sex.

He gets home, checks his watch and looking for a little action he pops a pill an hour before his wife is due home from work.

But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she would be home late while she ran some errands.

In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill but the effects will wear off by the time my wife gets home."

"I see," said the doctor. "It is a shame to waste it. Do you have a maid?" "Yes." "Well, you could occupy yourself with her instead?"

"But I don't need Viagra with the maid."