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Time To Do Some Lawn Work

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 13 May 2016
Hits: 2679

What's the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with my hoes.

Now You'll Love Math Class

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 12 May 2016
Hits: 2968

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, & pray you don't multiply.

And if your partner is really good she'll have no problem finding the root!

Now That's A Mess

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 11 May 2016
Hits: 2909

I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.

There was soup everywhere!

Open Wide

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 10 May 2016
Hits: 2505

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yeah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Pizza Has Arrived, Finally

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Sex Explained

Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.

Ask Sherwin Williams

They finally came out new a new blonde paint.

It's not real bright, but it's cheap... and it spreads easy.

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