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Things Aren't Always What They Appear To Be

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 27 April 2016
Hits: 2977

The 10th grade biology teacher asked Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responded: "I'm too embarrassed to answer!"

So the teacher asked Little Johnny who quickly said: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And then turning back to Jessica, the teacher said: "I have three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

Don't Lie To Me!

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 26 April 2016
Hits: 3422

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, they headed to her house for an afternoon of fun. Exhausted after screwin' around, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8pm.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told his mistress to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. Mystified, she did as he said and when she came back in he slipped them on and raced home.

At the front door his wife confronted him. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "Darling," he replied, "I cannot tell a lie. I've been having an affair with my secretary. We fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife looked down at his shoes and shouted, "Liar! You've been playing golf!"

A Real Knock Out

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 25 April 2016
Hits: 3211

What do Dracula's girlfriend and a washed up boxer have in common?

They both go down for the count!

Best Way To Impress

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 24 April 2016
Hits: 3090

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

At The Restaurant

I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started...

Who Stole My Drink?

A drunk calls the police, and says, "They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, they even stole my gas pedal..."

Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat."

Not So Bon Vivant

What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?

Slow.

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