I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.
There was soup everywhere!
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?
Seizure Salad.
A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."
The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."
An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."
