I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.
There was soup everywhere!
A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."
The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."
What's the best way to keep kitty litter fresh?
Kill your cat.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No. They're dead."
