I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.
There was soup everywhere!
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said: 'Do you want to have sex?
"'No!" she answered. Then I said: "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, and just said: "Yes."
So I said: "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
"Every Sunday you go fishing, right?
Husband: "Yeah why?"
"The fish came by to tell you she's pregnant!"
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second and third.