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Finally Met My Dream Girl

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 16 October 2016
Hits: 2490

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

What Are You Wearing?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 15 October 2016
Hits: 3052

I needed hearing aids, so I asked my doc for the latest technology. You know... the ones that connect directly to the 900 chat lines so I can listen "hands-free"... if you know what I mean.

Show Your Support

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 14 October 2016
Hits: 2378

Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Who's In Charge Here

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 13 October 2016
Hits: 2626

The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"

While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.

So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.

Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Need To Call The Fire Department

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.

Single And Ready To Mingle

This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...

I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.

At The Restaurant

I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started...

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