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Finally Met My Dream Girl

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 16 October 2016
Hits: 2490

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

What Are You Wearing?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 15 October 2016
Hits: 3052

I needed hearing aids, so I asked my doc for the latest technology. You know... the ones that connect directly to the 900 chat lines so I can listen "hands-free"... if you know what I mean.

Show Your Support

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 14 October 2016
Hits: 2378

Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Who's In Charge Here

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 13 October 2016
Hits: 2626

The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"

While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.

So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.

Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Big Ego

Three words to ruin a man's ego...

"Is it in?"

(Not that Ol' Dick Johnson has ever heard that or anything like it!)

Ding Dong

The bell rings at a whorehouse.

The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"

He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"

Golf Lessons

A woman goes to the golf pro to take some lessons. Apparently she has a terrible drive and can't help slicing or hooking every shot. The pro watches her for a while then tells her: "Your problem is that you are gripping the club too tight. You need to grip the shaft it a little more gently. Try gripping the club just like you grip your husband at night under the sheets."

Bam. The next shot is straight down the fairway... but only about 15 yards.

The pro says: "Not bad... now... take the club out of your mouth and let's go for distance."

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