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Finally Met My Dream Girl

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 16 October 2016
Hits: 2590

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

What Are You Wearing?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 15 October 2016
Hits: 3133

I needed hearing aids, so I asked my doc for the latest technology. You know... the ones that connect directly to the 900 chat lines so I can listen "hands-free"... if you know what I mean.

Show Your Support

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 14 October 2016
Hits: 2468

Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Who's In Charge Here

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 13 October 2016
Hits: 2709

The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"

While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.

So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.

Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

This Will Take Might Of Steel

Harry is 85 when he gets married to a 22-year-old. One night after his honeymoon he shows up at the local bar where all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.

"Well," Harry tells them, "We got to the hotel and my youngest son helped me out. First he carried me up the stairs. Then he helped me get undressed. Finally he lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off her."

One of his buddies asks him, "Why did it take your three sons to lift you off?"

Harry says, "'Cause I fought 'em."

How To Get Him In The Mood

For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night. She asks him what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.

He tells her, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck your brains out." "Well, what do you think today?" she asks,

He says, "Mission accomplished!"

And that's when the fight started...

Getting Off On My Floor?

Two stock brokers are checking out a new secretary.

The first one says, "She's got nothing going on upstairs."

The second one says, "That wouldn't be the floor I'd be getting off on."

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