A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Every Frickin' Joke

Finally Met My Dream Girl

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2549

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

What Are You Wearing?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 3100

I needed hearing aids, so I asked my doc for the latest technology. You know... the ones that connect directly to the 900 chat lines so I can listen "hands-free"... if you know what I mean.

Show Your Support

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2433

Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Who's In Charge Here

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2673

The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"

While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.

So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.

Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Leaky Pipes

Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."

The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"

"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."

Sincerity Out Of A Can

My buddy, at a party we threw, paid my wife a nice compliment.  He told her: "You're really a good-looking women. Honest, I really mean it... I've only had one beer."

As my wife smiled back to thank him I quickly added: "Imagine how good she'll look after you've had two!"

And that's whent the fight started...

Turn The Beat Around

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we screw,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when he's banging me,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”