A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

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Best Way To Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.

Size Does Matter

What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

About three inches.

BaaaAAAHH

Why's a sheep better than a woman?

A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.