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Every Frickin' Joke

How To Score

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 27 December 2016
Hits: 2975

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

Come Early For The Sale

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 26 December 2016
Hits: 2825

Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."

The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"

Nacho says, "Before the store opened."

We Do It Every Year

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 25 December 2016
Hits: 2919

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

Can You Even Say This Anymore?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 24 December 2016
Hits: 2826

What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being a retard.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Might As Well Take In A Round

We were at the couples pregnancy preparation class. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe & was telling the men how to give the necessary support to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

Then she turned to the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."  The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Wanting to get into the swing of things I quickly raised my hand and asked the instructor, "Would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk ?"

And that's when the fight started...

Never Drink And Drive

A guy is driving home when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Have you been drinking?"
The guy says, "Yes, I have."
The cop says, "Please step out of the car."
The guy says, "Why? Don't you believe me?"

Put Her In Her Place

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.

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