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Every Frickin' Joke

How To Score

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 27 December 2016
Hits: 2942

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

Come Early For The Sale

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 26 December 2016
Hits: 2785

Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."

The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"

Nacho says, "Before the store opened."

We Do It Every Year

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 25 December 2016
Hits: 2875

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

Can You Even Say This Anymore?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 24 December 2016
Hits: 2798

What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being a retard.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Pain? Game On!

Husband says to his wife, "Here's 2 aspirin & a glass of water for your headache."

"I don't have a headache." His wife tells him

"Good. Now strip. We're fucking."

Some Extra Cash

A hooker visits her doctor and asks him to put a hole in her hip.

The doc asks, "Why?"

The hooker tells him, "So I can do a little work on the side."

Who's Your Daddy?

Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try.

The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply came back "Fishing in Michigan."

The banker said "I knew this thing wouldn't work. My father's been dead for twenty years."

Johnson begged him "No.wait. Try asking in a different way."

So the banker tried "Where's my mother's husband?"

And bang the answer came back: "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

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