We Do It Every Year

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

What would you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a box with his arms and legs?

Kit.

I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."

I said: "Yeah, but I do."

And that's when the fight started...

Why are roach clips called roach clips?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.