What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.
Do you know what they sing?
I didn't think you did.
What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for assholes.
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
