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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Soon Enough Young Man

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Little Johnny in the bathtub points at his dick: "Mommy, is my brain in there?"

"Not yet, sweetie."

Recipe For Success

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4 shots of tequila & I bang my wife doggie style.

2 makes her horny & 2 more gets her out on the front lawn.

You Know You've Done It

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Women are like parking spots. With all the good ones taken & nobody looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Vacation Postcard

What'd the bi-polar write on the picture postcard?

"Having a wonderful time. Wish I were dead."

This Should Cure Him

A lady takes her husband to the doctor's office.

After his check-up, the doctor calls her into his office and says, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, which, combined with stress, will kill him in a few months. What you have to do is, each morning, fix him a nice breakfast, and be pleasant. Make him a nice lunch to take to work, and for dinner, make meals for him you know he'll enjoy. Don't give him too much to do around the house, especially after he's had a hard day. And don't burden him with too many of your problems, because that'll only increase his stress. And most importantly, make love to him a couple of times a week, and try to give him oral sex once a month or so. If you can do this for the next ten months, I think your husband could regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband says, "What did the doctor say?"

She says, "He said you're gonna die."

Promise Kept

A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."

​She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."

​St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"