What do you call hooker that likes it in the ass?
A crack whore.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."
She asked: "How do you know?"
I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."
And that's when the fight started.
