Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives every woman wild?
A hundred dollar bill!
Old Dick Johnson sometimes has to re-think relationships.
Right now I think I'm spending way too much time with my girlfriend's family... I think her husband is getting suspicious.
When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."