WTF?!

WTF?!

Sometimes life can be stranger than even some of our very own dick jokes. And in times like that all we can say is: "What the fuck?!" All these stories are true... they happened to real people. And we didn't even change the names. They deserve the recognition!

: Created: 07 May 2015; Hits: 9847

#WTF?! How not to share the cleaning duties - spitting and spraying windex on her roommate's food. A University of South Carolina student was arrested and charged with a felony after police say she was caught on video spitting and spraying the glass cleaner in food containers. Yuch.

: Created: 14 May 2015; Hits: 2966

#WTF?! Police are investigating how a packet of cocaine ended up inside a Nature Valley granola bar. We'd like to know too... and also the location of the store where she bought it! So we can do some shopping next we're in San Antonio.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Short Strokes

What do you do in case of fallout?

Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Do You Speak English?

A guy is screwing his girl friend in the park one night and they get caught by the local cop. A homeless guy who was living in the bushes was the only witness. On the day in court the couple plead not guilty so the bum has to testify. When asked what he saw he tells the judge: "They was fuckin'!"

The judge quickly admonishes him: "Sir, we don't like to use that kind of foul language in court. Try to describe what you saw in a nicer way or I will have to hold you in contempt!" The homeless guys tries again: "But your honor, they WAS fuckin'!"

"That's disrespect and contempt" said the judge and sentences him to two days in jail! Two days later he calls the homeless man back to the stand and oncee again asks: "What did you see this couple doing on the night in question?" The homeless guy repeats his statement: "I already told you, your Honor, they was fuckin'."

The judge slams down his gavel: "There's that WORD again. Now you get three days in jail!" And the poor guy is dragged off one more time. Three days pass and the homeless guy is back in front of the judge. "I'm going to give you just one more chance. Tell me what those two were doing that night! And do it without any more foul language!"

The bum thinks about it for a minute and finally says: "Your Honor, his pants were below his knees, his ass was flyin' in the breeze, his you-know-what was you-know-where, and if that ain't fuckin' you can gimme the chair."

Not Much To Do

A guy drives into a tiny southern town and parks in front of the one building in town that's marked General Store. He gets out and spots an old guy sitting and rocking on the porch. He says to the old guy, "What a God-forsaken place. What do you people do around here?"

The old guy says, "We don't do nothin' but hunt 'n fuck." The stranger asks, "What do you hunt?"

The old guy says, "Somethin' to fuck."