What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
She just kinda lays there.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"
And that's when the fight started...
My wife was complaining I fart too much, so she ripped a big one right back at me. I asked her, "Honey, you never did that when we were dating. How come?"
She said, "'Cause I didn't get an asshole till we were married."
What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A seat belt.
