What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
She just kinda lays there.
If a guy opens the car door for his wife you can be sure of 1 thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."
"So... what's the problem?"
"I don't get up until 9."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.