Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.
Mom: Every day more like your dad.
What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot you racist bastard.
A plane is about to crash. A woman stands up and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Who's going to be man enough to do it?"
A large man stands up and rips his shirt off, "Here! Iron this!"
Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.