Chip Off The Old Block

Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.

Mom: Every day more like your dad.

A guy visits a psychiatrist and lies on the couch. The doc asks: "What's your problem?"

The guy tells him, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat fuck?"

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

Teacher: Who knows the inventor of the car air conditioner?

Little Johnny: 3 Jewish guys. Hi, Norm and Max.