Chip Off The Old Block

Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.

Mom: Every day more like your dad.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

What do a grizzly bear and a limp dick have in common?

Don't fuck with them.

My neighbor looked over the fence and asked: "What are you doing?" I told her: "My goldfish died. I have to bury him."

"Why such a big hole?" she asked.

"'Cause he's inside your fucking cat."