Chip Off The Old Block

Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.

Mom: Every day more like your dad.

What do you call a guy with a small dick?

Justin!

What do you call a guy with a giant dick?

Phil!

What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

What is the definition of confidence?

When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"