A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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And that's when the fight started...

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I'm just sayin... that's all.

Two At Once

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I bet my wife she couldn't piss me off and make me happy at the same time.

"No problem" was her reply, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's."

And that's when the fight started...

Sharing is Caring

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My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"

I told her: "Both of them."

And that's when the fight started...

 

Save A Trip To The Pet Shop

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I asked my wife if we should get a pet for around the house.

She said she already has all the pets she needs: A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for everything.

And that's when the fight started...

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Being A Lawyer Isn't So Bad

A lawyer asks his partner, "Are you fucking the new secretary?"

The partner tells him, "No."

So the first lawyer says, "Great! Then you fire her."

Cheaper Than A Motel

An old couple goes to the doctor. The man says, "We want to know if we're makin' love properly. Will you watch us?"

The doctor says, "Go ahead." So they go to it.

The doctor says, "Looks good to me... That'll be forty dollars."

They go back six weeks in a row and do the same thing each time.

On the seventh week the doctor says, "Why do you keep coming back? I told you, you're making love perfectly."

The old guy says, "Well, she can't come to my house, and I can't go to her's...a motel is fifty bucks...you only charge us forty and we get back thirty-five back from Medicare."

I Hereby Sentence You

A husband gets home from his day in court on a traffic offense and his wife asks: "So, how did it go?"

The husband replies: "Well honey, I ended up in front of Judge Calloway, you remember, the judge who married us. Turns out he remembered me too... so I pleaded 'guilty with explanation' and he only gave me a small fine. That was way better than the last time, when you and I were in there together. That time he gave me life without the possibility of parole."

And that's when the fight started...