What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,
"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"
Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:
"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."
I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:
"You OK mom?"
I was scewing my wife when suddenly I stopped and didn't move. She asked: "What are you doing?"
I told her: "I saw this online on a porn site. It's called buffering"
And that's when the fight started...
How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Call her and tell her.
