What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.
So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"
And that's when the fight started...
Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.
As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
