Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.

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I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,

"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"

Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:

"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."

I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:

"You OK mom?"

A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.

Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

Call her and tell her.

A Musician