A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Baby Polar Bear

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A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"

His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."

Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"

His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"

"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."

Paralysis Comes Easy

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How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?

Marry her.

Adoption Laws

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Why can't lesbians adopt a child?

Because they don't serve minors to lickers.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Not A Total Loss

Guy gets home from work on the day the stock market tumbled looking visibly upset. His wife asks: "Honey, what's the matter?"

He tells her: "I can't believe I lost half my money and I still have you."

And that's when the fight started...

A Tough Decision

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest & a pilot are in a plane that's about to crash.

The pilot says: "Well, we only have three parachutes, let's give them to the three Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them."

The lawyer says: "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"

The priest says: "Do we have time?"

Counting Sheep

A blonde is tired of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she dies her hair black. Then one day she drives past a farm and sees a farmer with his flock of sheep. She stops and says to the farmer, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you let me have one?"

The farmer says, "Sure". She says, "112." The farmer says, "That's incredible. You're exactly right."

As the girl reaches for her prize and is putting it in her back seat, the farmer says, "Hey...if I can guess what color your hair used to be, can I have my dog back?"