Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

: Created: 06 May 2019; Hits: 2250

A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.

Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."

: Created: 10 April 2019; Hits: 3087

A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."

She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."

St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"

: Created: 05 February 2019; Hits: 2443

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Fairy Tale

Little Red Riding Hood went to grandma's house and found her lying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, ''Grandma, what big eyes you have!'' Grandma replied: ''The better to see you with, my dear.'' Then Little Red Riding Hood remarked: ''Grandma, what big ears you have!'' Grandma smiled and said: "The better to hear you with, my dear.''

Finally Little Red Riding Hood said: ''Grandma, what a big mouth you have!'' Grandma snapped back: ''Of course I do! Have you seen Grandpa's dick?!?''

A Matter of Timing

I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."

Pray For Me

Willie goes to a revival meeting for some much needed prayer. The preacher says, "Whoever needs to be healed-UH... come for-ward-UH... come to the al-tar-UH... ask for the heal-ing-UH..." Willie gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher says, "All right my son, what do you need me to pray for?" Willie says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one hand over Willie's ear, puts the other hand on top of Willie's head, and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher takes his hands away, stands back, and says, "Son, how is your hearing now?"

Willie says, "I don't know preacher. My hearing ain't 'til next Wednesday."