Liberals vs. Conservatives

What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions... HANDS DOWN!

A man went to the police station looking for a chance to question the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sargent.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.