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Liberals vs. Conservatives

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What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

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All I Need Is A Little LSD

A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"

His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"

Biology Class

The teacher was trying to teach the class the proper words to use when describing bodily functions. She admonished the class to use the term urinate. To reinforce the lesson she asked the class to use their knew word in a sentence.

When she called on Little Johhny he said: "Teacher... urinate. But if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten!"

You Meet The Nicest People At A Bar

A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and says, "Hello. I think I'd like to get to know you better. I'm 48 years old, I've been a Congressman for 10 years and I'm honest."

The girl says, "Nice to meet you. I'm 30 years old. I've been a hooker for 15 years and I'm a virgin."