Liberals vs. Conservatives

What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

Why are women like a storm door?

The more you bang 'em ... the looser they get.

And once that happens ... not even a longer screw can fix it.

How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?

You start asking your wife for sex.

One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.

I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."

And that's when the fight started...