Liberals vs. Conservatives

What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

How's broccoli like anal sex?

If it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult.

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?

You at least take the trash out once a week.