Just Plain Funny
Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!
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A lady takes her husband to the doctor's office.
After his check-up, the doctor calls her into his office and says, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, which, combined with stress, will kill him in a few months. What you have to do is, each morning, fix him a nice breakfast, and be pleasant. Make him a nice lunch to take to work, and for dinner, make meals for him you know he'll enjoy. Don't give him too much to do around the house, especially after he's had a hard day. And don't burden him with too many of your problems, because that'll only increase his stress. And most importantly, make love to him a couple of times a week, and try to give him oral sex once a month or so. If you can do this for the next ten months, I think your husband could regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband says, "What did the doctor say?"
She says, "He said you're gonna die."
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Why aren't federal government employees allowed to look out the window in the morning?
Because then they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.
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A blonde walks up to a salesman and says, "I want to buy this TV."
He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
She goes for a complete make-over...she gets a haircut and new hair color, a new outfit, and puts on big sunglasses. She waits a few days and then she walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy this TV."
He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
She says., "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
He says, "Because that's a microwave."