Just Plain Funny
Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!
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Jake the farmer has an incredibly nagging wife. One day he's out in the field, she brings his lunch to him, and then sits there and berates him while he's eating. Suddenly, the mule kicks up his back legs, smacking her in the head, and it kills her instantly.
At the wake, the minister notices that when a woman offers her sympathy, Jake nods his head up and down, but when a man comes up and speaks to him, he shakes his head from side to side. The minister says to Jake, "Why was it that you nod your head up and down to all the women and shake your head from side to side to all the men?"
Jake says, "The women all say how nice she looks, and how pretty her dress is. The men all say, Is that mule for sale?'"
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A lady goes golfing and gets hit in the ass really hard with a golf ball. She goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Where were you hit?" She says, "Between the first and the second hole."
He says, "That doesn't leave alot of room for a band-aid, does it?"
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A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"
He says, "I'm writing a prescription."
She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."
He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."