How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant?
Blew 'em all.
When do you know you've been married too long?
The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.
It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes.
His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?"
He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!"
