A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Every Frickin' Joke

Proper Treatment

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2307

My wife remarked: "That Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. If I ever got it I think I'd shoot myself"

I replied: "You said that five minutes ago."

And that's when the fight started....

More Than He Bargained For

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 3111

Guy walks into a bar carrying a pistol and shouts: "Which one of you assholes slept with my wife?"

A drunk sitting at the end of the bar shouts back: "You ain't got enough bullets buddy."

Dinner and a Show

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2597

A guy bends his wife over the kitchen table and fucks her in the ass. When he's finished he asks: "Did you like that?"

She tells him: "I'd have liked it a lot more if the kids were done eating."

 

Depends on Which End You Are On

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2511

A little girl asked her mom: "When you and daddy have sex, who enjoys it more?"

Her mother thought for a moment and replied: "Sweetie, you know when you have an itch in your ear and you stick your finger in and wiggle it around to make it go away? Think about it... which feels better, your finger or your ear?"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Get In The Swing Of Things

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."

Sex Explained

Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.

Been There Done That

A guy asks his drinkin' buddy if he had any suggestions on how to spice up a dull marriage. His buddy tells him "Well, you can always have an affair."

"I can't possibly do that! I would never cheat on her." he replies. So his buddy tells him "Look, if you convince her to let you do it, it won't be cheating." The guy thinks sure, that could work. And so he heads home, and finding his wife in the perfect mood, he springs the idea on her that maybe a new partner would add some excitement.

"Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it."