Wife walks into the den & asks: "What's on the TV?"
I told her "Dust!"
And that's when the fight started...
My neighbor looked over the fence and asked: "What are you doing?" I told her: "My goldfish died. I have to bury him."
"Why such a big hole?" she asked.
"'Cause he's inside your fucking cat."
Sign on the whorehouse door: Out to lunch. Beat it.
I asked my wife if we should get a pet for around the house.
She said she already has all the pets she needs: A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for everything.