What's On TV?

Wife walks into the den & asks: "What's on the TV?"

I told her "Dust!"

And that's when the fight started...

How does one explain the miracle of Hanukkah to todays generation?

Tell them that it's like if they charged their smartphone to last for 1 day, but it ended up lasting 8 days!

A guy takes his date back to her place. He gets her up to her bedroom where he sees a wall full of fluffy toys.

After he fucks her he asks her: "How was I?"

She says: "Take anything from the bottom shelf."

How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?

He's smoking a cigarette.