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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Out To Lunch

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Sign on the whorehouse door: Out to lunch. Beat it.

Asked About A Nun

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

A Guy At The Bar

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A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Pain? Game On!

Husband says to his wife, "Here's 2 aspirin & a glass of water for your headache."

"I don't have a headache." His wife tells him

"Good. Now strip. We're fucking."

Don't Forget to Eat Your Veggies

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)

Gold Digger

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocked everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hung over Bob's arm and listened intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they cornered him to ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replied, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They are now even more knocked out. So now they ask 'How the hell did you persuade that fox to marry you?" "I lied about my age," Bob replied. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiled and said, "No, I told her I was 90."