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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Out To Lunch

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Sign on the whorehouse door: Out to lunch. Beat it.

Asked About A Nun

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

A Guy At The Bar

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A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

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Professional Opinion

Guy visits the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor tells him, "Bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the guy comes back with his wife. The doctor tells her, "Please take off all of your clothes and lie down on the table." After she's lying there naked, the doctor walks around the table a few times, looking her up and down and all around.

Finally he pulls the guy aside and assures him, "You're fine. She don't give me a hard-on, either."

Ask and You Shall Receive

Guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "What'll you have buddy?" The guys says: "Surprise me."

So the bartender pulls out a naked picture of the guy's wife!

Sincerity Out Of A Can

My buddy, at a party we threw, paid my wife a nice compliment.  He told her: "You're really a good-looking women. Honest, I really mean it... I've only had one beer."

As my wife smiled back to thank him I quickly added: "Imagine how good she'll look after you've had two!"

And that's whent the fight started...