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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Out To Lunch

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Sign on the whorehouse door: Out to lunch. Beat it.

Asked About A Nun

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

A Guy At The Bar

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A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Who Failed This Test

A woman wanted to see how her husband would react if she left him unexpectedly. So she writes him a note saying she is tired of him and doesn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the note, she puts it on the night stand in the bedroom and then climbs under the bed to hide until her husband gets home.

When he gets home that night, he sees the note on the night stand. After a few moments of silence, he picks up the pen and adds something at the bottom. Then he starts to get changed, whistling and singing and dancing around the room. He grabs his phone and dials a number. His wife listens from under the bed as he starts chatting away. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes. I'll see you in a bit. As for the old bag, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around and she split. Good riddance! I was wrong to have married her in the first place. I just wish you and me had met sooner. See you soon, honey!" Then he hangs up and walks out of the room.

In tears and very upset, the wife climbs out from under the bed and stumbles over to read what her unfaithful husband had written at the end of her note. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot! I am going out to pick up some beer."

That Discussion With Your Kid

Two guys were talkin' at the bar. The first one told his buddy: "My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, 'Is that the best you can do?'"

Won't Be A Starving Artist Much Longer

Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."

Artist: "Great."

"Not really, he was your doctor."