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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Doctor's Recommendation

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A doctor is meeting with a husband after examining his wife. The doctor tells him: "Your wife's diagnosis is uncertain. She either has Aids or she has Alzheimers."

The husband asks: "What should I do, doc?"

The doctor advises him: "Drive her five miles outside of town and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

Question About A Blonde

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Why was the blonde's belly button red and hurting after sex?

Her boyfriend was also blonde.

Advice From Dad

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Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."

Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."

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Nice Package

What's a pussy?

The box a dick comes in.

Did you see that one coming?

 

Under Pressure

I ripped one watching the TV with my wife when she asked: "Why do men fart more than women?"

I told her: "'Cause women won't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure."

And that's when the fight started...

I Like Dad's Explanation Better

A kid comes home from school and tells his mom, "I've got a problem.at school. Little Johnny keeps using two words I don't understand - pussy and bitch".

Mom says "Oh, that's no big deal.  Pussy is a little cat like our Fluffy, and bitch is a female dog, like our Queenie."

He says thanks, but decides he better check with his dad. He heads to the workshop in the basement where he tells his dad, "Little Johnny at school is using words I don't know. I asked mom but I don't think she told me the real meaning."

Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to your mom with stuff like that. She just doesn't get it. What are the words?" The boy tells him. "Pussy and bitch."

Dad thinks for a minute and says "OK" let me show you. He pulls out an old Playboy magazine from the bottom drawer, grabs a marking pen and opens to the centerfold. Then he circles the pubic area, points and says, "Son, everything inside that circle is pussy."

"OK dad, so then what's a bitch?"

"That's everything outside the circle."