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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

A Guy At The Bar

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A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

Researchers Have Discovered

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Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.

Do you know what they sing?

I didn't think you did.

Women Are A Mystery

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Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Five Will Get You Ten

What do you say to a man with five penises?

"Your jeans fit like a glove."

Deal Me In

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."

A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.

His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

The Four Seasons

A college kid is fucking an old lady. She says, "It may be Winter on top, but it's Summer in the furnace."

He says, "Yeah? Well, if you don't put a little Spring in your ass, we're gonna be here till Fall."