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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

A Guy At The Bar

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A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

Researchers Have Discovered

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Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.

Do you know what they sing?

I didn't think you did.

Women Are A Mystery

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Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

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Looking For A Good Deal

A blind guy in Macy's has his seeing-eye dog by the tail and is twirling it over his head.

A salesman walks up and asks: "Can I help you?"

The blind guy replies: "Nah. I'm just looking around."

Total Recall Times Two

Why is the area between her breasts & hips called a waist?

You could easily fit another pair of tits there!

After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"

And that's when the fight started...