Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"
He said, "Everybody."
My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"
I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."
And that's when the fight started...
Gal tells her friend, "I just read it's against the law to go topless in the New York subway."
Her friend says, "Thank God. It's bad enough when you catch your scarf in those doors."
