Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why'd the trapeze artist divorce his wife?
He caught her in the act.
You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.
My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.
I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"
And that's when the fight started...
