Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
A woman was in bed screwing her husband's best friend when the phone rang
After hanging up, she says, "That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
Marry her.
What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?
He heads over to the barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.
(Ah please... just google it!)
