Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I wish I had parents like Dora.
They let that little bitch go everywhere.
A guy wakes up in the hospital: "Doc, I can't feel my legs!"
Doc: "That's because we amputated your arms."
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
(And in case you are wondering, yes, I'll be here all night!)
