Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"
So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."
And that's when the fight started...
My wife was concerned that we weren't managing the household well in tough financial times. So she asked me to take some action and plan for the future.
No problem I told her. I ran out and came home with 2 cases of beer instead of one.
A guy's in his car with a girl and says, "How about a hand job?"
She says, "What do I have to do?"
He says, "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it? Just do that."
She grabs it and does it. A few minutes later, he starts screaming. She says, "What's wrong?"
He says, "Take your fucking thumb off the end."
