My wife and I attended a lecture on diet and health given by a prominent doctor.
"The things we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago." He said. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode our stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous. And none of us realize the long-term harm caused by impurities in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten it, or will eat it. Can anyone tell me what we eat that causes the most grief and suffering lasting for years after we eat it?"
I leaned over to my wife and whispered "I think he means wedding cake."
The local United Way discovers that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. So a local volunteer calls him and says, "Even though your annual income is well over a million dollars, our research shows you've never made a donation to our organization. Would you like to give back to the community through The United Way?"
The lawyer says, "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" The rep says, "No."
The lawyer says, "Second, did your research show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The rep says, "No."
The lawyer says, "And finally, did your research show that my sister's husband died in a terrible car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?" The rep says, "I had no idea."
So the lawyer says: "Think about it. If I wouldn't give to any of them, why the hell would I give to you!"
