Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."
The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"
Nacho says, "Before the store opened."
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)
The Dog's Rule Of Life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.
