Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off.
I thought I would kid my wife a little, so I said: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, it's too long."
She shot back: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
And that's when the fight started...
What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
