It's Gonna Be A Good Year

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.

A woman visits the doctor, with bumps and bruises all over her body. She complains that it was her husband who beat her.

The doctor is surprised: "I thought your husband was out of town."

"So did I..."

What species of bird is known to give the best head?

The swallow!