It's Gonna Be A Good Year

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.

My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.

I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"

And that's when the fight started...

What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste. Ewww...

We named our daughter after my wife's mother.

Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week.