It's Gonna Be A Good Year

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.

Sex is just like air...

It's no big deal until you're not getting any.

A stockbroker calls a client and says, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."

Sam says, "Tell me the bad news first."

The stockbroker says, "I lost all of your money."

Sam says, "What's the good news?"

The stockbroker says, "I got laid last night."

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.