Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He changed his mind. Decided to stick it out for one more year!
It's Valentine's day! So ladies, don't you worry about getting me what you got me last year.
I have enough restraining orders already.
I came home last night with a half gallon of rocky road and asked my wife: "Want some ice cream?" So she responded: "How hard is it?" I told her with a wink: "As hard as my dick!"
She said: "Great, pour me some."
And that's when the fight started...
