Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.
So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"
And that's when the fight started...
Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
