Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
Why'd the guy text his wife a picture of his limp dick?
Wanted to let her know he was thinking about her.
Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."
Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."
