The teacher was explaining to her pupils the importance of responsibility and was looking to assign a team to do an important job for the class. She told them: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted: "I'm the one you want teach'. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."