My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."
A middle-aged guy goes to the proctologist for his yearly checkup. He strips down, and the doctor tells him to bend over.
The doctor puts his middle finger all the way up the guy's ass and says, "Is that uncomfortable?"
The guy says, "Not as long as I don't feel both of your hands on my back."
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"
And that's when the fight started...
