Put It On My Bill

Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"

Wife to her husband in frustration: "Get the fuck out." Then, as he's leaving, she adds, "I hope you die a slow painful death."

He turns back to her and says, "So now you want me to stay?"

And that's when the REAL fight started...

My wife and I were talking about what turns men and women on. I asked her: "Why do you think men like big tits and a tight ass?"

She said: "In your case because you’ve got a big mouth and a small dick."

And that's when the fight started...

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

(And in case you are wondering, yes, I'll be here all night!)