Put It On My Bill

Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"

What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seat belt.

My dick's so big it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

College professor to her creative writing class, "Your assignment - write the shortest story you can that includes religion, sex and mystery."

Only one girl got an A on her paper. She wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant ... I wonder who did it?"