Put It On My Bill

Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"

Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"

He said, "Everybody."

I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.

So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."

And that's when the fight started...

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.