Why Santa Doesn't Have Children

Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?"

She says, "What's that?"

He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."

How does a redneck girl practice safe sex?

She locks the doors on her pickup truck.

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.