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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

One of Life's Lessons

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Before you have sex you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress by yourself.

The moral: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked.

A Simple Plan

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What did the dick say to the balls?

You guys hang around here while I go inside.

The Birds and the Bees

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Little schoolgirl asks her mom: "Is it true that babies come out where boys put their wieners in?" "Yes, honey." her mom assures her.

"Won't that knock my teeth out?"

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Picture Perfect

I thought I could please my wife by offering her a sumptuous breakfast in bed. So I asked her what would be her perfect breakfast.

She said: "My perfect breakfast would be a cup of gourmet coffee. Our son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Our daughter is on the cover of Business Week. And your face is on the back of the milk carton."

And that's when the fight started...

Shoulda Used A Towel

My girlfriend caught me drying my dick with the hair dryer. She asked: "What are you doing?"

Apparently "Heating up your dinner." wasn't the right answer.

My Kind Of Rabbi!

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed.

He immediately picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."

The girl gets up to leave and starts to get dressed when the rabbi stops her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."