A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

That Discussion With Your Kid

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Two guys were talkin' at the bar. The first one told his buddy: "My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, 'Is that the best you can do?'"

English Class Assignment

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The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."

Right Idea Wrong Place

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You ever been by a place and thought "Man, if I went in there, I know I'd get laid." I get that feeling all the time - I live near a prison.

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Cannibal Culinary Habits

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

They're too bitter.

Too Fat

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

Who's In Charge Here

The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"

While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.

So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.

Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.