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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Bring Out The Tape Measure

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Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Let Me Introduce You To

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What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

Not The Best Choice

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Why do men name their dicks?

They don't want ninety-five per cent of their decisions made by a total stranger.

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You Can't Unread This One

What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste. Ewww...

Better Than A Gold Watch

It was the local mailman's last day on the job after 35 years delivering mail in the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the entire household who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift envelope full of cash. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a collection of the best fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in skimpy lingerie. She took him by the hand, led him upstairs to the bedroom and proceeded to fuck his brains out. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a gigantic breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him one last cup of coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the saucer. "All this was just too wonderful for words" he said. "But what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

They're All Doin' It

Two rednecks are out fishing. The first one asks: "If I go to your house and fuck your wife and get her pregnant and she has a kid, would that make us kinfolk?"

The friend says: "Nope. That'd make us about even."