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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Bon Voyage

Hits: 3243

Johnson is standing on the train platform when the guy next to him waves and yells" "Goodbye! Your wife's a great fuck!"

Johnson is shocked and asks the guy: "Who were you yelling to?" The guy tells Johsnon: "That's my brother." "Wow" Johnson tells him, "That's incedibly insensitive!"

The guy says: "Actually I'm very sensitive. My brother's wife is a lousy fuck. I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

They're All Doin' It

Hits: 2749

Two rednecks are out fishing. The first one asks: "If I go to your house and fuck your wife and get her pregnant and she has a kid, would that make us kinfolk?"

The friend says: "Nope. That'd make us about even."

Relationship Expert

Hits: 2398

What's a platonic relationship?

That's a friendship between a girl and a guy who wants to fuck her. 

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It's Like Icing On The Cake

A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.

The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.

On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."

The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"

The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."

The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"

And that's when the fight started...

No Need To Call The Fire Department

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.

That's The Whole Point

What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?

One prick and it's all over.