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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

One Too Many

Hits: 2407

A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."

The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."

Get In Line

Hits: 3779

Guy visits his doctor with a problem "Doc, I don't know what to do about my wife. Every night, she goes to Harry's Bar and picks up men. She's fucking everybody in town and it's driving me crazy. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Take a deep breath, calm down, and then give me the directions to Harry's Bar."

Read Him His Rights

Hits: 3150

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"

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We Do It Every Year

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

Don't Wake Her Up

A little boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"

So his father takes him up to the bedroom where mom is sleeping. "Look at this," he says as he lifts the covers carefully. "That's a pussy son."

"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"

"No!" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"

More Sh*t

What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven's First Movement.