What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
My wife remarked: "That Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. If I ever got it I think I'd shoot myself"
I replied: "You said that five minutes ago."
And that's when the fight started....
