Dick Jokes
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What do you call 8 days of blowjobs by candlelight?
Honica Lewinsky.
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It was the local mailman's last day on the job after 35 years delivering mail in the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the entire household who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift envelope full of cash. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a collection of the best fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in skimpy lingerie. She took him by the hand, led him upstairs to the bedroom and proceeded to fuck his brains out. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a gigantic breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him one last cup of coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the saucer. "All this was just too wonderful for words" he said. "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
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A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally had enough. She figured she would break him of that crazy habit. So one night, while they were right in the middle of a romantic session, she flipped on the lights.
To her shock she looked down and saw her husband was holding a giant dildo. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll explain the rubber dick if you explain the kids."