Read Him His Rights

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"

How's broccoli like anal sex?

If it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult.

My wife thought I was too damn bossy, always acting like a typical male, so she called me a male chauvinist pig.

I looked at her sweetly and said: "Honey, the only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig is a woman who won't do what she's told."

And that's when the fight started...

What do you say to a man with five penises?

"Your jeans fit like a glove."