A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Sounds Like My Ex-Wife

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What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?

She just kinda lays there.

We Have A Runner

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Why did the woman cross the road?

Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

I Hope His Prayers Are Answered

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A man's been praying at The Wailing Wall in Jerusalem for 20 years. One day he's being interviewed. The reporter says, "You've been praying at The Wailing Wall for 20 years?" The man says, "Absolutely, 20 years. In the morning when I get up, I pray there should be peace in the world. In the afternoon I pray that misery and hunger should be eliminated. And at night I pray that the Israelis and the Palestinians should live together in harmony."

The reporter says, "Well, those are all very nice thoughts. Tell me, how does it feel?"

The man says, "It's like talking to a fucking wall."

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Wrap it Up

A lady goes into a sporting goods store and tells the salesman, "I need a present for my son's birthday."
The salesman suggests, "How about this skateboard?"
She asks, "How much?" He says, "Forty-nine ninety-five." She says, "Too much."
Then he suggests, "How about this baseball bat?" She asks, "How much?" He says, "Eight ninety-five."
She says, "Great, I'll take it."
He then asks, "You wanna ball for the bat?"
She says, "No ... but I'll blow you for the skateboard."

Safety in the Kitchen

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The fireman giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked: "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Johnny's hand shot up and he said: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"

English Class Assignment

The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."