Three nuns and a priest are stranded in the desert. Luckily, they come across a camel. So they all jump on and head off to find help. After a while the camel is totally exhausted and falls down dead.
The priest says " Well sisters, this looks like the end. Do any of you have any last request?"
The first nun says "Father I have never had sex before." So the priest thinking this is their last day on earth, says OK and has sex with her.
The second nun says " I too father have never had sex before." So the priest thinks well, why not, and has sex with her too.
The priest then asked the third nun if her request is the same. She says "Not exactly father. I would just like to know what is that between your legs."
The priest says "Sister, that is a penis. It was put there by god to give the gift of life."
The last nun then responds "Great! Stick it in the camel and let's get the fuck out of here."
A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. Each time he took a shot he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look, then stuck it back in his pocket. Finally, a friend walks up to him and asks: "Hey man. I've been watching you all night. What do you keep checking in your pocket?"
"That's a picture of my wife."
"So why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," he replied: "When she finally starts looking good, then it's time to go home."
