A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

The Diagnosis

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An old guy visits a doctor. The doctor examines him and then sits down in the office for a consultation on his diagnosis.

"Well..." the doctor begins,  "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you have cancer and you have Alzheimers."

The old guy looks at the doctor for a moment then says: "Thank god I don't have cancer."

A Musician

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What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

Flag At Half Staff

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What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

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More Than One Reason

A young man got a new job running the cash register at a general store. The old store owner promised he would teach him how to be a salesman and up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to his new hire.

As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds your grass is gonna start growing and you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut it." "You know," said the customer, "I think you're right. I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one."

The new kid said, "Wow. I think I see what you mean. Let me try one." The next customer in line stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young kid said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the kid, "What the hell are you talking about?"

The wanna-be salesman told him, "It looks like your weekend's shot, so you might as well cut the grass."

Nice Package

What's a pussy?

The box a dick comes in.

Did you see that one coming?

 

A Good Day on the High Seas

A good-looking teenage girl went out fishing with six older guys.

She came home with a red snapper.