A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

The Diagnosis

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An old guy visits a doctor. The doctor examines him and then sits down in the office for a consultation on his diagnosis.

"Well..." the doctor begins,  "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you have cancer and you have Alzheimers."

The old guy looks at the doctor for a moment then says: "Thank god I don't have cancer."

A Musician

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What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

Flag At Half Staff

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What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Rest For This Piece

A guy walks into a whorehouse looking for some action. He goes up to the madame and asks,"Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies?"

"Sorry sir," the madame responds, "but, we're all full." "Aw, please." he begs, "I'm super horny and I really need some poontang!"

The madame thinks for a moment then answers, "Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom." "Whatever," the guy shrugs and runs upstairs.

A few hours later he comes back down and says, "Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?"

The madame answered, "Out of respect for the dead."

A Tough Decision

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest & a pilot are in a plane that's about to crash.

The pilot says: "Well, we only have three parachutes, let's give them to the three Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them."

The lawyer says: "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"

The priest says: "Do we have time?"

You've Heard It Before

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and goes to look for help. Soon he comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers.

"Sir," says the salesman. "Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night."

"Sure," says the farmer. "But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there."

"Oh, crap," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong fucking joke."