How is sex like credit?
It's the people who need it most who can't get any.
Gal to salesman: "Should I buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker?"
"Depends. You gonna sweat or break wind?"
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
A guy was complaining to his buddy: "Man, I had it all - money, a big house, a luxury car, and most of all the love of a beautiful woman. And then POOF... just like that it was gone!"
'What happened?' asked his friend.
"My wife found out..."
